How to know if divorcing is the right thing to do

Divorcing is a difficult thing to do, even when you want out. What can make beginning the process hard is not knowing if it really is the right move to make. You may question if your marriage is salvageable or if you have done everything you can to make it work.

How can you know when it is time to finally let go? Every relationship is different, but there are common factors you can look for to help you determine the answer.


If there is abuse of any kind happening in the home, it is best to get out. Only once you are in a safe place can you then decide if the situation will ever change and you can someday return, or if your life and/or emotional health will always be in danger and you should end the marriage. Other problems to consider are mental health disorders and addictions.

Lack of cooperation

Does your spouse refuse to cooperate in working on the relationship? This may reveal itself in any of the following ways:

  • Denying any problems with the marriage or personal behavior
  • Refusing to go to counseling
  • Staying away from home whenever possible
  • Excluding you from his or her life
  • Not communicating with you
  • Making promises and breaking them

These actions often show the marriage is beyond repair. You cannot force someone to try or to change.

Right reasons

Do some self-reflecting and determine what your reasons are for wanting to stay or go. If your uncertainties are due to fears, decide if they are valid enough on which to base your decision. For example, staying in a hopeless, harmful marriage because your fear of being alone is probably not wise. Talking to a therapist can help you evaluate your concerns.


Just as important as knowing if you should divorce is knowing when you should go through with it. It takes careful research and planning to prevent costly mistakes and legal consequences. Make sure you are truly prepared for the divorce process and life afterward.

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