How to begin the process of discussing divorce with a spouse

How does one go about raising the issue of divorce with one’s spouse? Because many men and women have struggled with that question, a lot of deceptive and hurtful methods have been chosen. If fact, some experts believe that there are spouses who choose to have an affair just to get caught and thereby end the marriage by having the other person demand a divorce. This avoids having to engage in one-to-one discussions about what went wrong and what to do going forward. It’s not a good way to go about it, yet the strategy occurs repeatedly both in Missouri and elsewhere, whether it be a conscious or subconscious strategy by the offender.

One of the signs of a broken marriage is the failure to communicate. If the channels of discussion are down and closed, then a spouse may turn to an affair to get contact with the other spouse in a dramatic manner that will be certain to trigger a divorce action. This means also not trying too hard to keep it a secret, or getting caught accidentally on purpose, a rather damaging scenario for an estranged couple.

One main problem with this unattractive strategy is that excessive hurt will likely be inflicted on children and family, including on oneself. That hurt almost always creates an escalation of retaliatory and spiteful reactions, leading nowhere helpful. Common sense dictates that direct conversation is the adult way to begin the process of initiating a separation and a divorce.

Although telling a spouse that the marriage is over may seem hurtful, it cannot compare to the potential damage from discovering a spouse’s affair. There is plenty of time to get into dating again, but it is best after the separation. When a direct conversation is chosen and the courage is mustered to go that route, many aspects of the separation, divorce and building a new life will be useful and mutually helpful to both parties. In Missouri, one can get guidance in this process and learn what topics to discuss by consulting with an experienced family law attorney.

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